Whatever gets you through the night...

My 10-year-old son slept in my closet the other night. With my permission.

Now before you call DYFYS on me, let me set the scene for you. There was a thunderstorm that night.  One of those new, biblical-scale thunderstorms we've begun to get here in NJ. Torrential rain, bright lightning, and claps of thunder that ricochets off the houses and rolls endlessly into the next clap of thunder.

Frankly, I was a little nervous too. So when my son came into the room and said "Mom, I'm scared!" I wasn't surprised. And when he went on to say "Can I sleep in your closet?" it made perfect sense to me. My closet is the sort of walk-in closet you have in an old house - short (about the length of a 10 year old laying down) and narrow. There's no window, the ceiling is slanted and the clothes form a kind of cocoon that not only muffles the noise but also makes you feel protected.

"Take the bedspread off the chair, use your pillow, and no talking" I replied. His grateful smile was beautiful.

My husband still thinks it's weird. "Who sleeps in a closet? People sleep in beds! He needs to learn to tough these things out!"

I agree that there are things in life you DO need to learn to tough out. But I also think you need to find ways to soothe yourself, to bring yourself comfort in times of great stress.

He came up with the idea of sleeping in the closet by himself. It was non-lethal, non-fattening, and didn't hurt anyone else. He knew what would make him feel better and he did it. And I assume it worked, because when I woke up in the morning he was back sleeping in his bed.

I think self-soothing in healthy ways is a useful skill to learn.

I wasn't always aware of this need for self-soothing, and I think I realized it in one particular therapy session. I didn't know the therapist that well, and the process wasn't going particularly well. To get a rise out of her, I said "you know, I'm just so stressed I find myself wanting to buy a pack of cigarettes and start smoking!"

I'm not sure what I wanted her to say. I think I wanted her to be concerned, to say "oh Laura, please don't do that. You're better than that!"

Instead she shrugged and said "whatever gets you through the night."

I was shocked. I was so used to being told what NOT to do, how NOT to live, and here she was giving me permission to do something that I knew I "shouldn't" do.

"Laura, if that's what it takes to get you through a tough time, that's what it takes. But can you think of other ways to soothe yourself? Ways that won't.. I don't know... give you lung cancer?"

(She was way smarter than I thought she was. And I was not as smart as I thought I was. So therapy with her worked more effectively after that.)

Did anyone ever give you permission to do something that would soothe yourself? Something was wasn't "normal" behavior?

I have a friend that still buys herself stuffed animals that look particularly soft, even though she's married and her kids are in high school. When the going gets tough, she grabs the stuffies and watches a favorite old movie. And it gets her through the night.

As for me, I make myself some tea and then sit in the bathtub and read. Sometimes I have to let all the water out and run a new bath so the water's warm. Sometimes I have to run four tubfuls of water and finish a book before I'm ready to emerge, pruny and pale, to face what's waiting outside the bathroom door.

And I do yoga. My mat has become a safe place for me, just like my closet is for my son during a thunderstorm.

Think about where your safe place is. Does it really make you feel comforted, or is it just a routine? What would REALLY give you comfort (and wouldn't hurt you or anyone else)? Try it.

Go ahead. I give you permission. :)

"Oh, you yoga people..."

There is a stereotype about everyone, including yoga teachers. For example, this is the kind of stuff I hear all the time:

• "Oh, you yoga types, you're always so calm...."
• "I wish I was the sort who didn't get upset over anything like you yoga people...."
• "Of course this didn't bother you...."

It's like people expect us to have been born as yoga teachers - to have always lived in a sort of perpetual Nirvana state, always calm and smiling, always ready to do a Downward Dog or Warrior I. 

Are you kidding me?

I tell everyone who will listen that I began doing yoga because it was either start doing yoga or start drinking heavily. At the time I discovered yoga I was the manager of a large computer corporation's Technical Writing department. Oh, how I hated that job.

The stress of having my performance judged based on the performance of others was horrendous. How much control can you exert over a group of writers? Talk about herding cats.

I came home every day feeling awful. So I started doing yoga using my TV and a VCR tape my neighbor gave me and found that it really did help.

Then I progressed to taking actual classes with other people, which was a big step for me. Do yoga in front of other people?! What if they're all really skinny and really flexible and I look like one of those hippos from "Fantasia"? 

But I did it, and found that the people in the classes did NOT look like the people on the VCR tapes and the yoga clothing catalogs. They looked like me. Whew!

And now I'm a yoga teacher because I truly believe in the power of yoga to heal anyone's body and anyone's spirit.

But I'm also a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a business owner, a pet owner and a resident of Earth here in the early 21st century. In other words, I have stress and anxiety just like you.

I've learned to handle this stress more effectively than in the past but honestly, I can still be found yelling and waving my arms over my head periodically. Just ask my husband.

My point is this -  don't be afraid to come to yoga because you think we "yoga types" are better at this "being calm" stuff than you. We weren't born more calm, or more flexible, or more anything. We're just people who've discovered that moving your body and calming your mind through yoga makes you feel better. 

Works for me!

What to Expect from this Blog

So what, exactly, are you to expect from a Yoga Studio's blog?

It's a good question.

First, let me introduce myself - my name is Laura D'Eustachio Maron, and I'm the owner of Centre Street Yoga.

As the author of this blog, I know what you won't find here -

• Political commentary. 
• Medical and/or nutritional advice. 
• Relationship advice

Nope, I'm not qualified to dole out any of THAT. 

What I think you will find are some interesting posts about yoga, your body and how it works, and just life in general. I can't promise there won't be occasional stories about my kids or my dog, however... :)

So let's see where this blog goes together, shall we?